I was certainly predisposed to want to like "Human Target," Fox's latest brain-candy entry. I have been a fan of the lead actor, Mark Valley, since he headed up the superb and under-appreciated, quickly canceled "Keen Eddie" which also stared a funny and terminally-cute Sienna Miller.

Valley has massive comedic chops (and a marvelous deadpan delivery) and was and is physically able to deliver on any action moment the "Keen Eddie" producers threw at him. These talents are in ample display in "Human Target" the adventures of a private bodyguard who appears to be just that much better than everyone else in the business. We know this because his first client won't take "no" for an

answer when she's turned down by his...booker? Agent? Adrenalin Dealer?  Action Pimp? - the also under-appreciated Chi  McBride late of the much-lamented-canceled-after-two seasons "Pushing Daisies." We also know this because in the opening gambit, Christopher Chance (the Human Target) takes down a crazy hostage-taker with aplomb (and that deadpan delivery) after warning him not to talk about doing something but just do it - and then he shoots the man who is also wearing a bomb belt, killing him and blowing up the entire building.

Welcome to "Lethal Weapon," the series. Crazy is as crazy does.

In the first ep, he's hired to protect the gorgeous designer of a bullet train. She claims to  have no enemies, has no idea why someone would to want to try to kill her (the killer plants sheets of plastic explosive in her car but they find it.) The whole protections adventure will take place on said bullet train while it is hurtling at nearly 200mph toward a tunnel.  Hmmm.  There's a joke in there but I wouldn't even touch it with your review.

The trick, and you knew there would be one, is that the brakes to said train have been fried from some gobbledy-gook the writer dreamed up and they can't possibly tolerate another use once they've been engaged. As they approach "Dead Man's Curve" (I'm making that up) the train's wheels will explode and all will die. Unfortunately, I'm not making that up.  Now it strikes me that if this train had cost the billions of dollars they said it did, there would have been some testing of these brakes - a lot of testing - and perhaps a recognition that they can be fried in exactly this manner. But that's just me. Again, we're  not dealing in any sort of logic no matter how hard the producers try to convince us of that. Add to this hero-up-a-super-fast-tree scenario, there's an assassin on the train also stalking them to kill them while they're hurtling toward certain death in 20 minutes. Ticking clock indeed.

In the end, we discover the all too mundane truth - the train designer's husband has discovered her affair and wants some money or something so he decides it's easier to kill her than just get a divorce - and of course, Mark Valley has to put his crack staff (Chi McBride and the insanely good Jackie Earle Haley ("Little' Children" "Watchmen")) to find this out. You would logically keep this information about an affair secret from the person you're paying a King's ransom to protect you.  Especially since you've stated very clearly that you have no reason to assume anyone would want you dead. Honestly, even Bill Clinton would have mention this to The Human Target - that's his job. And even the dullest street cop would have looked to the husband first. At least make this semi-believable. Eliminate the husband after doing due diligence but give us that moment.
 
I know "Human Target" cannot be viewed with your real-world glasses on. You have to slip on the alternate dimension ones where people can jump out of bullet trains using cargo covers and seat belts, shake off point blank shootings with Kevlar vests, survive bomb blasts that destroy buildings (I guess no one appreciates that the blast concussion alone would have shattered this guy's internal organs) and in general take more physical abuse than any dozen human beings can tolerate. Not the point, don'cha know that?  Chance is having fun being a Human Target and so should you be, damnit. Do not even try to make it make sense. Like the idea, for example, that he won't take any money - for some oddball reason - and will only take swag in trade for his troubles. Is this an IRS thing? Did the writer have guv'ment problems? Just another quirky trait that is designed to make us shake our collective heads and smile?  Probably.

I'm on the ledge with this one. At some point you just get tired of the eye-candy, adrenalin-laced action, and preposterous scenarios. It's like car alarms - people look up initially and then, as the alarm continues, we all ignore the noise and go back to our lunches. Mark Valley and his supporting cast are superb. The action is gorgeous, feature-class, balls-to-the-wall great. But I so wanted to spend a bit more time with Jackie Earle Haley and his quietly creepy character.  "Now I'll take the beating," he says to two muscle goons who come to shake him down.  "That's all you've been authorized to do.  But afterwards, some night, I'll sneak into your homes and kill all your family."  Then he procedes to tell them everything he knows about them which is a lot.  "Your employer has a hard drive that he thinks is secure.  It is not."  Wow - now that's fun.  Perhaps if I had just not had this hurtling train scenario in my face constantly I could have enjoyed this show more. Maybe ramp up to that, give me a little more time to slip into the hot water after dipping my toe in.

The producers perhaps need to trust the characters and the actors more.  They are both compelling and infuse this nonsense with some much needed depth.  I can hope as the series progresses, the characters will expand, the stories will settle down, get just a bit more logical although again, it's really not about the steak - it's about the sizzle. And Mark Valley, The Human Target, has enough beef cake and charm to make anyone feel like they're eating steak when it's really just tarted-up, form-molded hamburger.